This morning, I woke up to see Wes taking a dress shirt with long sleeves from Garth's closet. The shirt was actually Tom's old shirt. He was wearing his Dickies shorts and the torn blue Vans. I blew up at him. He promised to wear what I bought last night. I told him the shorts was okay, but the shoes definitely had to go - they had holes. He insisted nobody would be looking down at his shoes. I woke Tom up and told him about Wes' insistence upon wearing his old Vans.
They got into a scuffle - pushing and shoving - because Wes wouldn't stay put and talk and was preoccupied with dialing his cellphone. I told him he was not to wear the old blue Vans and he promised to wear the shirt I bought him. The black Dickies pants, I was willing to let go. It was stiff and did not look comfortable to be in. It did not appear to be made of the same materials as his Dickies shorts. He claimed the new Vans did not fit - I had him put them on and they slipped in just fine. He then switched to the style of the shoes - they had the pleats on the front that he did not like. I used his "who looks down?" excuse.
After a lengthy argument, he put on the dress shirt, Garth's dress pants, the new Vans and he actually looked great.
The graduation was extremely boring and too long. There were 390 graduates. The gym was very loud - bad for my vertigo. I hung in there until the very end - I just had to walk out. I took only one picture and that was only waist up when he slipped between the rows of chairs. I tried to take shot of him coming back to his seat after picking up his promotion certificate, but some jerk walked into my viewer and I was unable to move as I was flanked by other people. By the time I could move out into a space, Wes already returned to his seat. I was pissed off. That stupid man. No courtesy or common sense. The final straw was the lengthy slide show - about 20 minutes. A lot of people started getting up and leaving. Who wants to sit through the slide show for 20 minutes? And they were mostly of the popular kids - kids who were high profile. Of course only the families of those kids enjoyed the slide show. I spotted only one with Wes in it - because I recognized the tee shirt he wore - the one with Elvis Presley face on the front.
I went to sign Wes out - only to be told Wes had to be escorted out with a parent. I walked back into the crowd as the guests and graduates were swarming out of the gym. I was suspicious when I first noticed Wes carrying his backpack, and when I spotted him coming out, I tugged his shirt, and he said he was heading out to grab his backpack. I thought, why anxious to get his backpack?
I knew it - he stashed a tee shirt in his backpack and was heading for the bathroom to change shirts. I waited for Tom and his family to come out. Then I went to look for Wes - and my suspicions were confirmed - he slipped into his old baseball practice shirt - of all other nice tee shirts, he had to pick this one? I blew up at him for the second time. I did not even have the chance to take a family picture with him in his nice clothes. I refused to take any pictures of us with him wearing the ratty old baseball shirt.
I was simmering. I looked at Tom and Scott. They were terrible examples. Tom wore an old polo shirt, a pair of jeans, and his everyday athletic shoes. Scott wore a plaid button shirt with tails untucked, jeans and some kind of earth type shoes. Neither set good examples of how to dress properly for a special occasion. Donna wore a nice pantsuit and Lauro wore a nice pique polo shirt, a pair of dress pants, and dress shoes. Even his mother wore a dress. I was mad at Tom and his brother as much as I was mad at Wes.
Tom always makes a big fuss when he has to dress up. He does have 3 pairs of tan Dockers pants and two dress shirts. He does own a pair of dress shoes. It was not as if he did not own any. He used the excuse of planning on going directly to work after the ceremony. I suggested wearing his polo shirt with the Dockers which would be an upgrade over the jeans, but he refused. Why do men make such a big deal about dressing up for a few hours?
I was trying so hard to hold back tears but I failed miserably. I know they thought I was making too much of a deal out of this, but I felt I failed to indoctrinate a sense of decorum in my boys. Garth was willing to wear the nice clothes I bought him for his 8th grade graduation last year and we took pictures of him wearing those clothes. He wore the pants occasionally during the football season - the same pair of pants that Wes wore today. He never wore the nice polo shirt again and mysteriously, the pair of shoes, resembled somewhat to the bowling shoes, disappeared. At least he put up with me and posed for pictures for me and stayed in the graduation attire for a few hours. Wes wouldn't even give me that.
How did I fail so miserably as to raise two disrespectful kids? They both dyed their hair black, Garth sports a lip ring and smokes, and I expect Wes to follow suit soon.
Which is why I want Anthony, a kid who is a friend of Garth, out of our house. He has been living with us for almost a year. He first dyed his hair black and put in the lip ring last summer. He now sports 3. He wears his pants low on his hip to expose his underwear. Garth is a carbon copy of Anthony. I believe Anthony is a bad influence on my boys. The other day, he showed Garth how to roll a cigarette weed-style. He had seen his mother doing it.
Yes, Anthony's mother abandoned him, but my instincts are to protect and preserve my boys. Anthony is not my kid and not my responsibility. I probably wouldn't mind too much if he is an ordinary kid without the lip rings, the dyed hair and the butt-belt pants. I believe his views on the world color my boys' views too. Anthony has had a hard life and has seen things my boys wouldn't see being from an ordinary middle class family. Anthony's mother is a drug addict and a slut. She moves from apartment to apartment on weekly, sometimes daily, basis in exchange for sex and drugs. She lost custody of her younger son to his biological father, and I presume she lost interest in Anthony after losing her younger son.
His sob story tugs at anyone's heart, but I am a mother, and I have 2 sons to raise, and I most definitely do not want my boys to emulate Anthony.
And what adds salt to the wound is Tom is taking everything too lightly. He does not properly discipline the boys when they need it, feels sorry for Anthony without taking into consideration the effect he has on our boys, appears to lack the instinct to protect the boys from Anthony, identifies himself too closely with Anthony due to his own dysfunctional childhood. He sides with the boys.
I became the bad guy because Tom rather be their friend than be a father. He tries to compensate for his absenteeism while the boys were growing up, and is loathe to alienate them. I think he does more harm than good doing this. Sure, he blows up occasionally, and it usually has to do with their grades. As of grades are the only area of concern.
As an cerebral, I am sadden by the fact neither of my boys have any interest in their education. I don't see either of them going to college. They used to talk of going but not lately. Garth is a F student. The decline of his education warrants another post in my diary. Wes, who always had excelled in reading, refuses to read and write reading responses, and to write for his English assignments. Both boys did not play for school sports because of their grades. It is a tragedy because both are excellent athletes.
I guess I've run out of steam now. Time to sign off.
This is the shirt he wore to his graduation. In this picture, he wore it to the 8th grade promotion party the night before. He was quite willing to wear it to the party but not to the actual graduation??!! In this picture is his best friend, Chase Cromwell, at the far left, his girlfriend, Alexa, next to his left, and two friends I am not familiar with on his other side. The party took place at their middle school, Mohave Middle.
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